Joke Day

I'm all done being sad and blah, so I am making today Joke Day.  Everyone loves a laugh.  I love it more than most.  I laugh at the most inappropriate times.  IE funerals, weddings, graduations, and other life altering occassions.  Once I laughed in church when we were praying and Johnny stated "shotgun farting".  I couldn't help it .... it just sounded so darn funny!  If you know me well then you already know that when I really start laughing, I start snorting.  I can't help it.  It happens everytime!  Luckily there was about 5 of us laughing, so no one knew I was the original culprit.

Anyhoo, enjoy the joke and have a happy Tuesday! 
Ciao!

AN ACTUAL CRAIG'S LIST PERSONALS AD

To the Guy Who Tried to Mug Me in Downtown  Savannah  night before last.

Date: 2010-09-27, 1:43 a.m.  E.S.T.

I was the guy wearing the black Burberry jacket that you demanded that I hand over, shortly after you pulled the knife on me and my girlfriend, threatening our lives. You also asked for my girlfriend's purse and earrings. I can only hope that you somehow come across this rather important message.

 First, I'd like to apologize for your embarrassment; I didn't expect you to actually crap in your pants when I drew my pistol after you took my jacket.. The evening was not that cold, and I was wearing the jacket for a reason.. my girlfriend was happy that I just returned safely from my 2nd tour as a Combat Marine in Afghanistan.. She had just bought me that Kimber Custom Model 1911 .45 ACP pistol for my birthday, and we had picked up a shoulder holster for it that very evening. Obviously you agree that it is a very intimidating weapon when pointed at your head ... isn't it?!

 I know it probably wasn't fun walking back to wherever you'd come from with that brown sludge in your pants. I'm sure it was even worse walking bare-footed since I made you leave your shoes, cell phone, and wallet with me. [That prevented you from calling or running to your buddies to come help mug us again].

 After I called your mother or "Momma" as you had her listed in your cell, I explained the entire episode of what you'd done. Then I went and filled up my gas tank as well as those of four other people in the gas station, -- on your credit card. The guy with the big motor home took 153 gallons and was extremely grateful!

 I gave your shoes to a homeless guy outside Vinnie Van Go Go's, along with all the cash in your wallet. [That made his day!]

 I then threw your wallet into the big pink "pimp mobile" that was parked at the curb .... after I broke the windshield and side window and keyed the entire driver's side of the car.

 Later, I called a bunch of phone sex numbers from your cell phone. Ma Bell just now shut down the line, although I only used the phone for a little over a day now, so what 's going on with that? Earlier, I managed to get in two threatening phone calls to the DA's office and one to the FBI, while mentioning President Obama as my possible target.

 The FBI guy seemed really intense and we had a nice long chat (I guess while he traced your number etc.).

  ;In a way, perhaps I should apologize for not killing you ... but I feel this type of retribution is a far more appropriate punishment for your threatened crime. I wish you well as you try to sort through some of these rather immediate pressing issues, and can only hope that you have the opportunity to reflect upon, and perhaps reconsider, the career path you've chosen to pursue in life.. Remember, next time you might not be so lucky. Have a good day!

Thoughtfully yours, Semper Fi,

Alex

Angelversary!

20 years ago .... it feels like forever.  Then I go, and I place the flowers on Her grave, and suddenly I'm transported through time to that grieving 12 yr old.  I think about Her all the time.  I wonder what She would have looked like as an adult, what She would have gone to College/University for, who She would have married.  I have absolutely no doubt in my mind that we would still be best friends.  We were just innocent little girls with the world at our feet! 

I often think of the day before She died.  We were at school.  We played in the yard at recess time just like every other recess.  Then we came in after lunch.  She had a headache and ended up vomitting on the floor just outside the classroom door.  They called Her Mum and She went home.  I called Her after school to see how She was feeling, but there was no answer.  The next morning I was getting ready for school when I heard a whole lot of sirens.  You see, She lived right across the fence from me.  I could see Her front door from my front door.  Somehow, when I heard the sirens, I knew they were going to Her house.  Then ..... nothing.  The next day I didn't go to school.  I had an appointment at the Allergy Dr, and then we were going to leave early to go to the cottage.  When we got home from the Dr the phone rang.  I came downstairs into the kitchen with a hamper full of laundry.  That's when I first heard the news. 

"Tana, sit down. I have something to tell you."  Do you ever know something right before you are told it?  I have done this a total of 3 times in my life.  It truly is skin crawlingly creepy when it happens.  Deja vu in the weirdest sense!  When the words came out of Boot's mouth, I vividly remember dropping the hamper and falling to my knees.  She was gone!  How is that possible?  She wasn't sick leading up to her death.  In fact, She was the opposite.  A very alive, vivacious and active girl.  We had a book club, a babysitting club (just like the books), and we were even saving money in a jar on the top shelf of her bedroom closet. 

20 years ago ..... and I still cry everytime I think of Her.  She was such a gorgeous girl, inside and out!  I truly believe She taught me some very valuable lessons about family and love.  She was accepting of everyone ... not an enemy anywhere.  I wish I could be as forgiving as She was. 

She passed on the May long weekend.  I had the whole long weekend to prepare for what was about to come.  I had never been to a visitation, funeral or burial before.  I still have no idea how you prepare a 12 year old to see one of her best friends laying in a coffin.  It took me a very long time to work up the courage to go to the front of the room and look down into that coffin.  My teacher was there, and when he went up he started sobbing uncontrollably.  It must have been a good 30 minutes before I could go to the front, but it felt like 3 hours!

I remember being absolutely certain that I saw Her chest moving up and down.  Thinking that She looked like she was sleeping.  She was wearing a beautiful white dress with Her signature headband in her hair.  Her lips looked like they had pink chapstick on them, and there was a lot of Her favourite things in the coffin with her.Her funeral was a terrible day for me.  I had never been to a funeral before.  We drove another girl in our class, Erin.  I remember sitting in the church (which I hadn't done before either since I was old enough to remember), and listening to the choir and just wishing the floor would open up and swallow me whole!  At the end of the service everyone walked up to the coffin one last time to say a final goodbye.  I was so unsure standing up there.  Did you kneel down?  Did you pray?  How do you pray?  We all formed a receiving line outside of the church, leading down the steps.  I was near the front of the line by the hearse .... big mistake!  My heart shattered into a million peices when Her coffin was placed inside that car, and the door was closed.  A huge peice of me drove away with Her.  The police officer that was teaching us about safety in our classroom was there, and she had on white cotton gloves, and she stopped traffic so everyone could follow the hearse to the graveyard.

It was decided that the best thing would be to stay at the church until the family arrived.  I have always regretted this decision.  I still to this day feel that seeing Her coffin in her plot would have been a sort of closure that I have always longed for.  For years I tried to find that plot.  I had no clue which cemetary it was in, or where in the cemetary it would be.  I didn't find it until I was 20.  I go every year on Her Angelversary to lay flowers on her grave and have a little chat.  At first it was hard to know what to say.  I believe that She is always with me, as is my beloved others that have since passed.  She see's my day to day stuff, the good, bad, and the ugly!  I think of Her everyday, but even more so on this day!

Ciao

I just had to share this .....

So, my darling Gerry has been on holidays this week, and diligently working to get Keni's room made over for her birthday next week.  He chose to go into work today so that he could make tons of money not really doing much at all.  In order to go into work this morning he had to go to bed early last night so that he could wake up at 4am.   Being the good Wife that I am, I layed very still and watched some television. 

Somewhere around 2:30am my attention was drawn from the television to the ceiling above the bed.  There was a HUGE HAIRY SPIDER! EEEEEEEEEEEEK!  Those of you who know me well understand what was about to happen, and those who don't know me well, keep reading! 

I was laying there staring at the damn spider, and I was so frightened that I couldn't move.  This is what followed .....  That big hairy spider RAN across the ceiling, stops right above my head, looks down at me and says "Psssssssssssssst! Hey Tana!"  I answered "Yes big hairy spider?"  Then he replied, "Here's what's going to happen.  I'm going to wait until 6am when you are asleep, then I'm going to drop down and land on your face, and then I'm going to crawl into your hair and make babies.  Ok Buttercup?"  I started whining and crying and freaking out.  I strategically did this until it woke Gerry up.  I blew a fit until he got up out of his comfy bed to get a tissue and kill that big hairy spider.  He then took it and gave it a buriel at sea.  (I was ever so proud that he wasn't awake enough to do what he normally does, which is to wave the freaking thing in front of me until I scream and run like the girlie girl that I am not.) 

Then my darling Husband got back into bed and went right back to sleep.  I have to hand it to him .... he really has to put up with a lot living with a household of crazies!  LOL! 

Happy Saturday everyone! 
Ciao!

Getting to know Tana!

Well, hello world!

I have decided to write a blog on the advice of a great friend.  She always talks about me needing to write a book, memoir, or blog.  So, this is my attempt.

I am 31 yrs old, and a stay at home Mom.  I am so very fortunate to have the ability to stay home with my babies and see them grow, and reach milestones most working mothers miss.  My son Riley is 11, and my daughter Keni will be 7 next weekend.  My children are my everything!  I have a loving Husband, Gerry.  He has shown me what love actually is, and how magically it can be.  He works hard to provide for our little family, and to keep our home a beautiful place to live.  I feel very blessed to have such an incredible family!!!

I had a car accident 5 yrs ago this January 17th.  It changed my life .... literally.  I will forever have pain, spasms and a lot of other issues due to favouring the parts of my neck and back that are hurt.  I take mittfuls of medication 3-4 times a day, and am having a torrid love affair with my heating pad.  Without that, I would not make it through the day/night.  I don't sleep during the night.  That is usually when I have the most spasms and pain.  Mornings are a little hard for me, but once I get going I'm fine.

For the past four months I have been dealing with a lot of health issues.  I got a sinus infection that turned into double pnuemonia, which then turned into strep throat, which turned back into pnuemonia, and then for kicks I got bronchitis, double ear infection, and pnuemonia ... AGAIN!  Unfortunatly, at some point during all that sickness I became unable to swallow food.  I cannot swallow anything thicker than a very watered (well, milk) down milkshake.  I have been eating popsicles, freezies, fudgesicles and drinking lots of juice, water, and even some pop.  I finally went for some swallow testing this week after meeting with my team of Dr's last week.  I go in next Friday for the results.  I have crossed all my appendages that they will be able to see the problem, and fix it swiftly.

My son Riley is 11 yrs old as of February 25th.  He is an incredibly smart little man.  Riley will always have my heart.  He is such a caring, empathetic, devoted and loving little boy who is not afraid to show affection to his Old Mom, even with a friend around!  He wants everyone to have fun, and will do silly things to make his beloved Sister laugh!  When Ry was 3 he was diagnosed with Severe ADHD.  We tried changing everything from his diet, routine, discipline, and expectations, but at age 6 1/2 had to finally put him on medication while he was at school.  He was only under the medication while at school, and it was completely out of his system by 4:00pm.  He now only takes one pill in the morning, and then he has the option of taking a pill for the afternoon/evening if he is severely hyper.  Riley says he feels like he is able to make better decisions, and is able to control his behaviour better with the afternoon/evening med.  We give him a natuarl pill called Melatonin (what your body produces to help you sleep) at bedtime to help him get to sleep.  It seems to calm his mind down enough for him to fall asleep, however it does not keep him asleep.  Ry went through psychoeducational testing when he was in grade 4, where he was diagnosed with Tourette's Syndrome and OCD.  Those diagnosis were a bit of a shock.  I have always suspected OCD since he was very little, but the Tourette's one you could have pushed me over with a feather!  I didn't really know much about it other than what they show on television.  So I started panicking that my Baby Boy was going to scream out obsenities and have his body jerk around uncontrollably!  He does have over 20 tics, but most are non-verbal.  Even the verbal ones are not to the degree that they show on the television.

My Daughter Keni is such a beautiful, bright little girl.  She worships her Big Brother.  They are so very close.  Hardly ever fight.  However, when they do fight it's usually a good one where at the end at least one child is crying!  Luckily for Gerry and I, these are few and far between!  Keni has always wanted hair to her bum.  She's been talking about it since she was 2 years old.  Well, this April her hair was halfway down her thigh!!!  My incredible Daughter donated 15 inches of hair to donate to Pantene Canada, and raised just over $1,200 to donate to the Canadian Breast Cancer Foundation.  She was very adamant that she wanted her hair to go to a woman or child in Canada, and I wholeheartedly agree.  Keni told me one day that she was going to change the world .... and I have no doubt that she will.  She is very caring child who will do anything to help a friend.  She makes friends easily, and often has a hard time picking out only 6 or 7 to invite to parties.  What a hardship to have to figure out who's coming and who's not, LOL.  We are currently redo-ing Keni's bedroom as part of her birthday present this year.  I cannot wait to see it all come together now ... we are sooooo close to it being done!  I will talk more about it another time.

So, this is a brief getting to know Tana post.  I am really looking forward to having an outlet to share my thoughts, questions, and silly moments with.  Even if it is just one person reading (I love you Cass!) then it is worth it to me.  I hope you all in the internet world have a wonderful weekend, and enjoy your time with your famiy and friends.

Ciao!